Friday, June 13, 2008

Women Who Go To Bed With Their Make-Up On

I didn't think women like this existed. I was proven wrong by meeting such an individual yesterday - like a rare specimen encased in a formaldehyde glass jar in a museum shop, transported into the spirit of a human resources director in $40 j crew flip flops and a cotton sateen summer dress of dubious origin. After a long and drawn out meeting, I was invited by her and her mini-me to the Bruckner, a trendy bar in the middle of the un-trendy borough, the Bronx. After stating the usual platitudes of how sucky and uncool the Bronx was to work in, the girls deftly steered the conversation toward what they really wanted to talk about: themselves! After proclaiming the need for all women to be properly coiffed, the alpha of the two stated proudly to me that her real estate working boyfriend of many years has never seen her without her make-up off. As if that is something to be truly proud of. I could only manage a weak grin, as if I were to open up my mouth, I would have unleashed a shrieky hyena like laugh that would have been too gauche for such an obviously sophisticated affair. Luckily, she and the other middle manager ended up talking about another favorite topic: how much everyone else sucks. They systematically and ruthlessly tore down everyone in the office, from frumpy clothes to bushy eyebrows, and by the end of it all, I felt a real need to have a shower and a shave. If this were high school, they would be the popular kids and I would be the fat friend. Except that I am not fat. I simply have the body constitution of a toilet paper roll, which always gives people the impression that I am "sturdy." Perhaps that is the woman equivalent of the "husky" guy - the purgatory between flab and thin... but I digress. I always approach such mascara-caked-ambien-popping people with caution, like a dog that has been played with too roughly by its merciless and impulsive master. But like a battered and abused dog, something always keeps me coming back for more. I don't really know what the hell they get out of the whole experience - perhaps I provide more fodder for them to talk about when I am not there, but by not contributing much to the conversation, I think they rather enjoy my company.

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